This shot with the reflections of the daisies in the droplets is better than any shot I took this month. The dude takes some great photos…

WELCOME

May 2008

Boom boom boom!

The warm weather is finally here after a long winter. Everything is in booming, blooming, alive, and growing.

There's a buzz in the air and it's not just the sound of my new chainsaw clearing the trees and brush around my property. Feels good indeed.

The softball season is underway (we're 0-3, but really finding ourselves as a team) and Yankees baseball is my companion on the radio (they are finding themselves as well).

I hope this finds you well and feeling vibrant.

Thank you for reading this month's newsletter, THE CREAMY MIDDLE and you are most welcome to share your thoughts!

P.S. Thanks for sharing this with your like-minded friends and family. You can always point them to drewrozell.com or evolutioncoaching.com.

THE CREAMY MIDDLE

In creating a very cool life, most people think the ultimate goals are to manifest more stuff and to always make "good" things happen.

Sure, we'd all like that place on the beach or that ski house (or both) while having massive amounts of income float into our bank accounts while we play in the warm sunshine.

Nothing wrong with any of that.

But let's not mistake these sorts of things as being the end goal of a very cool life.

'Cuz they ain't.

A very cool life is not about what you do. Or how much you have. And it's certainly not about how respected or famous you are…

A very cool life is all about how you feel. It's a way of being.

Think about it. Your life cannot be very cool if you do not feel good physically and emotionally. I became acutely aware of the preciousness of my physical well-being as a nasty virus knocked me on my back recently. Likewise, when considering the importance of your emotional health, think of it this way… I’d guess Eliot Spitzer, Amy Winehouse, or Roger Clemens have more money and fame than you. So, if you could, would you trade places with them? Didn’t think so.

Upon closer inspection, a cool life has nothing to do with the external measures we are conditioned to believe denote “success.” Rather, a very cool life hinges on your ability to manage how you feel at any given moment. The more proficient you are at this skill set (yes, it is a skill set and yes, you can learn it), the cooler your life will be.

Though it’s easy to forget, everyone has problems. Life is designed to add some curve balls to the mix (along with some nasty splitters in the dirt) just to make sure you're still engaged, still learning, still evolving. This is just the nature of life and no one is immune to the intense experiences of being human.

In light of this fact, the critical (but easily overlooked question) to ask yourself is this: How well-prepared am I to handle the emotional intensity of life?

In order to arrive at an honest answer for yourself, it’s a good idea to get an objective look at your patterns of behavior when life doesn’t appear to going your way.

How do you tend to respond?

Do you fill with anger and spit venom at the world? Do you feel the urge to escape, hoping that if you run and hide long enough, everything will work out? Do you freak out, diving headfirst into the vortex of drama, and become a histrionic slave to your emotions? Do you let thoughts of fear and anxiety wash over you? Or, do you maintain your equilibrium and stay cool?

Certainly, the latter is the most attractive option.

So if the secret to creating very cool life is about consciously managing how you feel, why isn’t this the top priority for every person on the planet?

I think there are a few basic reasons. First, we’re not in the habit of looking inward and taking full ownership of our well-being. Simply, it’s just easier to blame something or someone else for how we feel and so this becomes our default way of being.

Second, there is an awareness issue. We still live in an ego-centric world where we’ve been conditioned that our thoughts and ability to reason should trump our feelings. We learn that it’s better to take action — even if this action is motivated by fear or anger – than to wait for calm, cool, clarity. (The United States’ decision to begin a “pre-emptive” war is a particularly salient example). The idea that managing our feelings has a direct impact on what we create is just beginning to take root in human consciousness.

The final issue is what I’ll call the Dalai Lama Dilemma. According to a recent interview, the Dalai Lama stated that his primary goal is to maintain an emotional equilibrium. “Ups and down,” he said, “are not good.”

The challenge is that while living like the Lama looks great on paper (he sells many books), it’s not very sexy. One of my favorite metal bands summed it up when they sang, “Peace Sells, But Who’s Buying?” In other words, most people will tell you they resonate with the idea of living a peaceful life, but in decisive moments, they still choose the default response, reacting with drama, blame, or fear.

Further, there’s also the tendency to associate a peaceful life with a monk-like existence full of chastity and boredom. Indeed, the idea that the coolest life is the most peaceful life presents a unique marketing challenge. In fact, it flies in the face just about every marketing message you’ve ever been exposed to.

Fast cars, fast sex, fast money, fast times? Those ego-based appeals stir the adrenaline; there’s no need for a complicated sales pitch.

However, chasing the highs is always the less conscious choice. Why? Because with every dizzying high comes a crushing low. An inconvenient truth, but the two extremes are a package deal.

So then, how do you market the Creamy Middle as a better way to live?

People are always interested in results, so what’s the benefit of getting in the habit of turning your awareness inward and sensitizing yourself to what you feel?

When you expand your capacity to feel things fully, you develop the confidence that you can handle anything and everything that comes into your experience. With this total confidence, you eliminate the most insidious force that drives much of human behavior – fear.

Free of artificial highs and lows, you notice and allow that which you DO want (rather than struggling to avoid that which you DO NOT want) and you send a clear, clean signal to the universe. In this place, the manifestation of your desires is a natural by-product of living your life in a deliberate conscious manner.

Remember to look inside because the sweetness of life always lies in the creamy middle.

PROFESSIONAL COACHING SERVICES

Remember, managing how you feel is a skill set. In my opinion, there a few, if any skill sets that have a bigger impact on your life.

This is what I offer to progressive-thinking individuals and businesses. If you see the wisdom in investing in your personal infrastructure, let's connect and see what we can create together.

I really don't use the megaphone. Much.
In this depiction, I am also a dead ringer for Kevin Youkilis.
A cartoon from the archives created by an old partner in crime, Frank

• Ready to remember what you're really capable of?
   
• Ready to upgrade how you think, feel, and what you create in your life?
   
• Ready to explore that deep, wonderful, final frontier that is … you?
   
• I offer a full range of professional coaching services for cool people and progressive businesses for most price ranges.
   
• Looks like I will be offering a new group focused on consciously creating a very cool life, kicking off sometime in the summer! Details to follow as they come into my head…
   
• If you own (or make decisions) for a growing company that is committed to the growth and development of the people that make up that company, please contact me to see what I can bring to the table.

More here.

Schedule a session here.

Call 518.642.3111

Eliminate Your Junk Mail

Every one wants to simplify, right? Well, I do any way. Junk mail is an annoyance to everyone. Not only did you not ask for it and not want it, but dealing with it occupies mental space. I stumbled on this service a few months back, and indeed, my mailbox is free of much junk. Feels good every day for the $15 investment. Check it out.

Greendimes.com.

BOOKS

• Just finished Richard Russo's Nobody's Fool. I savored twenty pages or so every night. Loved it. Now into Cormac McCarthy's The Road. Talk about switching gears!
  

MOVIES

• For the Love of the Game - Karin hits a home run on Netflix. I'm mixing my sports anologies here, becuase this is a documentary film about a girls high school basketball team. Trust me, this movie is better than you can imagine — suspenseful sports scenes and poignant lessons. Recommend this to anyone. A
  
  
• The Wire (Season 1) - Had heard the hype about this series and I needed a replacement for The Sopranos. Am happy to say that The Wire has proven a worthy successor. Season 1 was brilliant. A
  
  
• Kramer vs. Kramer - Karin rented this classic film, having never seen it before. I must say it held up magnificently. A
  
  
• There Will Be Blood - A Friday night feature for an audience of one. Me. Karin was not home and had no interest in this film. A drama all the way and a rather dark one at that. Daniel Day-Lewis is a peach of an actor. Appreciated the film but doubt I'll ever watch it again. B
   
• Ratatouille - Visually stunning, but the little mouse never won me over. Finding Nemo is the benchmark for me on these types of movies. C+ (In truth, I let myself fall asleep halfway through with no regrets).

RANDOM NEURAL FIRINGS

• Avoid excuses. There's nothing more lame than getting a message that says "things have been crazy around here." Please. Save it.
   
• My definition of a sport? It's not a sport unless you sweat every time you play. Otherwise, you got yourself a "game." Was thinking about this after all the Tiger Woods/Gatorade ads (He got paid $100 million to endorse this product? Good for him). But is he really sweating that much out on the links? I know… I need to think about more important things…
   
• I've got a post coming on the joy of the video game Rock Band. Guitar Hero is very cool, no question, but Rock Band is a hoot for the whole family.

Our cat P-Nut in tree in good light.Still warming up here in the Northeastern US, but the light is back.

WELCOME

March 2008

Greetings…

First, I want to extend my gratitude for all of you who took the time to write me a personal note or post a comments regarding the death of my dog, Thai. Knowing people care means a lot and it was wonderful to connect with so many of you again. Thank you. We're doing well and life moves forward.

The flu's been having her way with me for the past few days. Amazing how quickly one can be transformed from a strong, healthy man to a weak little boy. Makes me appreciate my health that much more.

Slowly but surely, spring is making its way to upstate New York. A fire still burns in the wood stove, there's snow in the hills, and I have not yet transitioned from my collection of knit winter hats to my Yankees baseball cap. But the days grow longer and fat robins hop across my lawn. A few more days of spring skiing and it's time to break out the softball bat and glove.

A few updates:

• Hey, there's a new header on this site!
   
• I uploaded some of my photos for your browsing pleasure. Just click the Flickr icon on the bottom right of your page.

• Last month's poll result for president? Barack in a landslide! Drewsletter voters chose Mr. Obama, taking over 60% of the vote. Maybe that's not surprising as I consider my brand to be about evolution and he is the candidate of change. I was surprised at the margin.
   
• Finally, a couple new features in The Drewsletter… Drew's Raves and Drew's Links. Just stuff I like and that I hope makes this publication more valuable for you.
   
• My Conscious Conversations group goes up in price April 15th. People who join before that date pay $40/mo. for the life of their membership. After the 15th, the price for new members is $59/mo.

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts —

P.S. Thanks for sharing this with your like-minded friends and family. You can always point them to drewrozell.com or evolutioncoaching.com.

THE BETTER QUESTION

What Do You Really Want?

For a decade, this question greeted every visitor to my coaching website. Because most visitors to a professional coaching site are actively seeking something more in their life, this question did a nice job of framing the conversation that followed on the page. My pitch was that I would help you get whatever you told me you wanted.

I spent several years training as a coach and during that time, I was taught that my job was to help you reach your goals. Here’s how it worked: I asked you what you wanted. You gave me an answer. I helped you get it.

In some ways, I served as a human cattle prod, zapping my clients to push forward and do that which they did not feel motivated to do on their own.

For example, if a salesperson told me she wanted to double her income, I made requests that she up her activity level to meet her objective (i.e., double the number of calls she made that week).

Following this coach-by-numbers approach, some of my early clients actually achieved their goals. In my mind, these little miracles were to be savored and celebrated. After all, we made it, right?

Yet to our mutual surprise, this is not what usually happened. Any feeling of elation evaporated almost immediately. Instead, after a virtual high-five, we were left with an empty space, typically filled by my client asking, “okay, so what now?”

Shortly thereafter, it was not uncommon for me to have received my electronic pink slip –- the e-mail thanking me and suggesting that we “take a break” from working together.

I’d be left scratching my head. Didn’t we just hit the bulls-eye? And now I’m getting fired? Clearly, my formula needed some tinkering.

While reviewing the situation, I began to entertain a rather counter-intuitive thought. Perhaps people did not know what they really wanted. Perhaps the greater truth was most people were clueless as to the true underpinnings of consistently feeling good and enjoying life. While this seemed strange, the evidence seemed to support this idea as my clients were getting what they told me what would make them happy, but when they got those things, they were not noticeably happier.

I was reminded of this change in my perspective as I was listening to a conversation between Eckhart Tolle (author of the wonderful book, A New Earth) talking to Oprah Winfrey. Mr. Tolle made a very powerful point that I’d like to share with you. He said that most of us begin our journeys by asking the very question I’d posed so many times. We ask what we really want from life.

While this is fine, there are some potentially powerful limitations to asking this question. By asking what YOU want, you are likely asking and answering the question from your ego. To be clear, your ego is composed of the thoughts, beliefs and conditioning that you’ve adopted through the years. In other words, the intentions you formulate from this place do not come from your true self, or a place of alignment.

Einstein once said that you cannot solve a problem on the level it was created. If you feel like something is missing from your life (and most people do), and you address this feeling by orienting your life around attaining ego-based desires that you believe will make you feel better, you will most likely be led down a dead end street.

This is why the salesperson who doubled her sales felt no better after doubling her income (the greater truth was that she was miserable at her job). This is why it’s not uncommon to see examples of people (e.g., celebrities, politicians, professional athletes, etc.) who seemingly “have it all” engage in self-destructive behaviors in the pursuit of more.

Looking back, it’s little wonder people do not know what they really want. We’ve been programmed to look for happiness in all the wrong places. Driven by the ego, there is no peace. No contentment. No rest.

A powerful way to move in a better direction is to ask a better question. Again, the risk of only paying attention to the question of “What do I want?” is that this addresses the problem at the level of the problem – the egoic level.

According to Mr. Tolle, the more powerful question is this:

“What does Life want from me?”

(You can substitute the word God, the Universe, or Source for Life – whatever resonates for you).

I don’t know about you, but just asking myself that question fills me with a sense of relief. I inherently recognize and resonate with the truth in the question.

Each of us is built in a unique way, with a unique operating system. Like a cut diamond, when positioned properly, we reflect a spectacular light out to the world.

However, as you continually chase your ego-based desires, you never allow yourself to catch that perfect light. There’s a world of difference – a difference you can feel at your core — between spending your energy doing what you can do (even if you do it very well) and doing what you are built to do.

When you are patient enough (yes, you’ll probably have to wait for clarity) to know the answer as to where Life is guiding you, you align with your true purpose. From this place of alignment, the rest of your desires flow to you with little effort. The emptiness of endless searching is now filled with the feelings of freedom and peace.

What does life want from you?

If you feel curious to know the answer, remember, you must first ask the question.

PROFESSIONAL COACHING SERVICES

Ready to upgrade?

Ready to explore that deep, wonderful, final frontier that is … you?

I offer a full range of professional coaching services for cool people and progressive businesses for most price ranges!

More here.

 Request a session here.

• Don't miss this brilliant article by David Mamet that explores what the U.S. needs to learn from the art of Brazilian jujitsu.

• Do you suffer from back pain? Ready to look at it in a new way? Read this.

• One of the more insightful articles on the psyche of Eliot Spitzer.

• Want some insight as to what it's like to live without your ego? Watch this video from a neuroscientist who describes what happens when she had a stroke. It's not short — 20 minutes — and you need to stay with it for a few minutes, but stick with it — it's worth it.

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

I read this book when it first came out. Seems like it was at least two years ago. Anyway, I thought this book was the best of its genre — true wisdom on every page. I bought 25 copies that Christmas and gave them to clients and family members. Some loved it. Some never mentioned it. Some never cracked the cover, I'm sure.

Depending on where you are, this book will be unreadable or brilliant. I am not sure there's any in between. Re-reading it and listening to Mr. Tolle's conversations with Oprah on my iPod in the mornings. Worth your time if you are ready…

In any case, like the law of attraction, I find it interesting that this book has hit the big time. Signs that things are moving forward, people are waking up… Unrateable

Nobody's Fool by Richard Russo

Each night when I go to bed (brushing my teeth gives me a bit of a second wind), I look forward to read a dozen or so pages of this book. Am quite certain the setting the book was based upon is the area where I grew up. Russo nails the characters. A

No Country For Old Men - (thanks to Eric for this). I am big Coen brothers fan, so I was anxious to see this, regardless of the Oscar. I had heard mixed things from people, but I enjoyed this film very much. In my opinion, it's a guy's movie. Darker, edge of your seat type of drama. I heard people complain about the ending. First the movie's based on a book, so take it up with Cormac. Second, I think it's just fine to be left without everything resolved in a nice little package. Sometimes it's more fun to use your imagination. Anyway, I dug the film. A-

I love magazines. But enough with the little "seeds" — those cards that fall on your floor, hoping you'll pick them up and subscribe. Um, I already subscribe… and now your magazine is making a mess in my house. Please. Stop.

Man. Dog. Camping on hidden lake in the Adirondacks. Thai was no huge fan of the canoe, but he never flipped us. At night, he would not come in the tent. Instead he'd sleep at the door, protecting his master.

WELCOME

February 2008

Greetings…

Well, it's still winter here in the upstate New York. It's cold out and the snow keeps falling to the ground. But as I look out the big windows from our great room each evening, I notice the days are getting longer. There's still more skiing to be done, but it'd be cool if it would warm up a touch.

If you keep up with my blog, you'll have an idea of what this month's feature is about.

Last week, after a sudden decline, we put our older dog down. Thai, my Lab-Shepard mix (at least that's what the pound told me), has been my constant companion since 1994. The beast brought a lot of joy in my life and the lives of people who spent time with him. His death hit me hard and this month I reflect on what I've been learning from the experience.

I hope you find it valuable in some way.

######

Also, a gentle reminder and warm invitation. Conscious Conversations, a small community of people interested in discussing the fundamental components of living a very cool life, meets virtually every two weeks. All are welcome to join us. A video and more details below.

If you're really ready to make a breakthrough in your life and willing to learn more about yourself than you can imagine… please contact me. There are many different options to choose from to accomodate your desires. I guarantee you'll be happy with what you discover.

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts —

P.S. Thanks for sharing this with your like-minded friends and family. You can always point them to www.drewrozell.com.

THE VALENTINE

My friend died on Valentine’s Day.

The chart on the wall said he was 88 years old. True, he lost his hearing in recent years, but he never lost his athleticism until the last week of his life. His great heart and pure spirit never faded.

Dog writer Jon Katz discusses the concept of “Lifetime Dogs.” Katz defines a Lifetime Dog as “a dog that enters your life at a critical juncture and sparks change, often dramatic change. Sometimes dogs join us when we are young, sometimes when we begin our careers, get married, get sick. These dogs intersect with us in powerful ways. We always remember them.”

Thai was my Lifetime Dog.

He came into my life when I was a 24-year-old graduate student, paying $200 a month to share a dump with a couple of housemates. As I look back upon the photos of our start together, I barely recognize myself. The shots remind me that while I was an adult in terms of my age, I had not yet become a man.

Our beginning. March 1994. Syracuse, NY.

At the beginning of his life, Thai’s arrival thrust me into a higher level of awareness of what it meant to take responsibility and the nature of love — fundamental aspects of being a man. And now, at the end of his life, I am beginning to see how Thai’s death is calling me to another level of awareness, further deepening my understanding of myself and the nature of love.

Thai’s death rocked me.

I cried more in the aftermath of his death than I had at the deaths of my parents. I am not trying to equate dogs to humans or imply that he was more important to me than my parents. I am just sharing the truth of the feelings that emerged in me. In those moments when I could step outside the situation, I found myself surprised at the depth and power of my emotions toward this creature.

After all, I had imagined Thai’s death in my mind many times. Of course, I knew it was coming. On our trips to the vet, I’d cast a quick eye to that chart on the wall. I’d do the math. One day would be that day. This dog led a long, happy, leash-free life, and my rational side told me his life would end before mine. So why the bottomless well of emotion after he died?

Dogs are the physical embodiment of unconditional love. In the fourteen years of living with Thai, each morning when I rose out of bed, he greeted me with a furious Thumpthumpthumpthump! of his tail and a lick of my hand. Whether I ignored him for the day or left him for weeks while I was on vacation, it did not matter. Thai was incapable of being resentful or petty; his whole body lit up with energy whenever he saw me.

And energy is contagious.

One of my favorite pictures of Thai. Always in the lead. Always alert.

If you are not a dog lover, perhaps it’s easier to think of Thai (or any Lifetime Dog) as a generator of pure positive energy. Like one of those ion machines that clean the air, a good dog is continually filling the air with good vibrations. Of course, with those ion machines, you need to clean the filter periodically. The same is true for dogs, though this maintenance comes in the form of dealing with hairballs, vomit on the carpet, and the occasional disappearance of your lunch should you need to leave the room suddenly. That’s just the deal with dogs.

I stood next to this generator of positive energy for fourteen years. And now, with the power suddenly turned off, I found it hard to breathe deeply, like something essential for my well-being had been removed from the air.

I gave myself the space to grieve over the past few days. In the quiet moments, I kept seeing the image of an old bumper sticker flash through my head.

“I’m trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.”

Whenever I’d see this on a vehicle, I always thought it was a cute message. I have dogs. I love dogs. I could relate to the sentiment.

I still was not clear why this message kept coming to me, though. As I began to jot down some of my feelings and memories of Thai (writing is how I tend to get clarity for myself), I made the connection.

Just as we see unconditional love in the animals (and people) we hold most dear, those beings that we hold closest to our heart are not truly separate beings. It looks that way, but it’s not the greater truth of things. We really are all connected. We really are all one.

When you fall in love, the illusion is that you are falling in love with something and someone separate from yourself. The greater truth is that you are really enjoying the resonance with the qualities in yourself that the person or animal reflects back to you. That’s why relationships are the ultimate vehicle for our spiritual evolution; they are the ultimate arenas to teach us about ourselves.

Remembering this, I realized that much of my sadness stemmed from my belief that I had lost this source of unconditional love, this oasis of total acceptance. Living in that illusion is sad indeed, when love becomes something that exists outside of you, that you are dependent on others to provide. This is not love. This is need. And there is a world of difference between the two energies.

The bumper sticker flashed in my mind again, this time with some editing.

“I am the person my dog knows I am.”

I saw Thai as being the source of unconditional love. But –- and this is what dogs do so brilliantly for humans –- Thai was simply a perfect mirror, reflecting back to me my true self, my highest self.

Each one of us is unconditional love. At our essence, that is what we are. This is how each one of us came into this world and this is what lies beyond our experience here. In the course of our lives we take on the beliefs and fears that lead us act in ways that do not honor that greater truth. We forget and we live in the illusion that we are somehow incomplete and that love comes from outside ourselves. Our work is to remember our essential nature (wholeness) and live consciously from this place.

My friend died on Valentine’s Day.

He chose this day to remind me that the true nature of love is the unconditional love of self. That’s easy to forget.

In those moments when I forget who and what I really am, I just need to remember the image of him as I walked through the door. And the sound of a tail swishing at the joy of being alive.

 
The end. Right before we made that ride to the vet. He was hurting, but he moved his head to position himself for this photo.Sharing this photo is the one of the most personal things I've shared in the 8 years I've written this newsletter.

#######

A couple memories of Thai

My dad died over 7 years ago, but he knew Thai well. I remember being at our camp when Thai was just a puppy. My dad set his drink down on the porch and left his chair. Thai ran over to his drink and started slurping it up.

"Dad! Thai's drinking your beer!" I said with some alarm in my voice.

"Oh, that's not beer. It's scotch…" he calmly replied.

A good laugh. And Thai was fine, of course.

#######

Thai swam in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Most people cannot say that.

CONSCIOUS CONVERSATIONS –  with Drew and Jenn continues

This on-going group for conscious people will next meet on February 28th.

This is a place for like-minded folk (conscious creators of very cool lives) to connect with each other and dive into some meaningful conversation. More details on the linked page, but if you're of the sort who like to learn, share, and laugh, I hope you'll join us.

On February 28th, we'll explore the nature of death. A topic relevant to everyone…

Two reasons why  most people do not spend any time in reflective conversations…

1) It's not always easy to find the right community.

2) It's easier not to engage in this kind of conversation.

For fun, I spent some time creating this promo video. Take a look and I hope you'll join us!

Thank you both for a really interesting chat. I enjoyed listening to you both tease out attraction issues and am looking forward to future conversations. It was great to have some old ideas reinforced as well as some new food for thought. - Fiona

 

Just a note to say thanks for "instigating" Conscious Conversations. The hours I spend on the phone with you both bring such joy to my life. I just re-listened to our past conversations on what has been a bum day for me, and though I am just about to drift off to sleep the call resurrected my day to the extent that I physically feel happier. The words of wisdom, ways of thinking and perspective you both offer adds quality points to who I am and the way I function in the world. - Andi

The Reserve by Russell Banks

I'm only 100 pages deep so far, but Russell Banks is one of my favorite writers. Karin and I got to see him do a reading on a snowy night in Vermont two weeks ago. Just listening him talk about his writing process filled me with more inspiration than just about any speaker I've ever heard. Seems like a very cool dude and I am enjoying the book so far.

Empire Falls by Richard Russo

Finished this at the beginning of the month. One hell of a writer. Makes me want to write a novel. I have the idea…  A

Knocked Up - When this came out it, I remembered it being reviewed as a modern day version of The Graduate. Like it marked the culture in some significant way. If it did, I missed it completely. Could have edited an hour out of this and I don't think anyone would have noticed either. C

The trees in Steamboat Springs, CO are covered with snow. And so are the slopes! Unreal amount of snow. Thigh deep powder!

WELCOME

JANUARY 2008

Greetings…

I type this sitting on the couch, taking in some January sunshine that streams through the window. I just got back from a whirlwind trip to the West. I did a little work, a good lick of skiing and lots of exploring. I found myself in Steamboat Springs, CO (talk about snow!), Santa Fe, NM (a lovely little city), and in Taos, NM (always wanted to ski here — exceeded my high expectations).

I hope you'll take a moment to check out my photos from the trip. They are in the post that follows this one.

Last month, I mentioned I'd have some new programs arriving in the New Year. The first one is here. Conscious Conversations (hopefully the name gives you some insight), begins January 24th. You can read more below, of course.

Also, if you're ready to leave "good enough" behind for living into your true greatness, contact me and let's have a chat. It's what I do.

I hope you enjoy this month's feature on lessons from the Coach. (It's not what you think from the title!)

Thanks for reading!

P.S. I enjoy hearing your thoughts. Please share your comments below!

P.P.S. Last week, I put my book/program, Piles of Money on sale for $19. I will hold it at this price until Friday the 25th of January. Click the link to get your copy.

A LESSON FROM THE COACH

In the last hour before the sun ducked below the horizon on December 31st, the supermarket was flooded with shoppers preparing to celebrate the New Year and trying to beat the predicted snowstorm.

I found myself among these shoppers, on a mission for eggs, unsalted butter, and whatever else I felt inspired to pick up. I added flowers to the list (always worth a few bucks for the reaction and the beauty) as well as some good beer. We were expecting family for a tame get-together and you don't want to be one short.

As I stood examining the flowers, looking for the freshest bunch with the most buds, he caught my eye.

At first I wasn't sure if it was him. After all, I had not seen him in twenty years. I stole a few glances, trying to mask my curiosity. However when this technique failed to result in a positive ID, I resorted to outright staring.

Indeed, it was him.

Beneath a winter fedora, lightly covered in fresh snowflakes, and standing in practical but styleless black Old Man Shoes, we locked eyes. I saw no recognition behind his eyes and I maintained my blank expression. But as that familiar feeling of dread filled me, I broke contact and returned my gaze to the flowers. No, he didn't recognize me. Why would he?

I rarely use the word hate. These days, I admonish my nephew when he tells me what he hates in life. But when I was seventeen years old, I hated this man who made his way towards the produce aisle.

For three summers working at the lake, he was my boss. Ironically, everyone called him "Coach" — the nickname a vestige of his years as a high school Phys Ed teacher. Back on the job, the employees had another name for him.

The Load.

As in, "Get ready, The Load is on the way down." Or, "The Load said we need to clean the windows before we leave today." I never asked what the nickname meant, it just seemed to fit. A small man, he ruled his roost with intimidation and bluster. As much as I am reluctant to admit it, I feared him. He'd seemingly appear out of the woodwork, always catching me in what he believed to be some sort of transgression.

Don't lean on the counter!

Take your hand out of your pocket!

Don't play with your key chain!

When I arrived home after my freshman year at the University of Florida, I figured I’d take a week or two off to relax and connect with friends before going to work. I arrived at my parents’ home at 11AM. By noon, the phone rang. Without the benefit of caller ID, I picked up the phone, shocked to hear Coach asking for me. Adrenaline rushing, I deepened my voice and said Drew would not be home for another two weeks. Coach never called again, and I eventually found other employment. To, this day I do not know how he knew when I was arriving.

Days with the Load started like this: Each morning as the clock in the office struck 9AM, the phone would ring. We employees would play a game of chicken, hopping around the back office, seeing who would break and pick up the morning check-in call from Coach. Usually, the most senior person on staff would get stuck with the job.

On one morning that's burned into my memory, taking this call was my responsibility. I answered. In a gruff voice, Coach barked his expectations for the day. I jotted down notes to relate to the staff. Suddenly Coach's voice began to echo. And then his voice got drowned out.

Was he…? Yes, he was. The Load was pissing while talking to me. He did not attempt to disguise his multi-tasking as the sound of the flushing toilet swallowed the rest of his instructions.

Disgusted, I hung up the phone. To me, his message was clear. I was a cog. A widget. A replaceable part. An employee. I hated that feeling. And I hated this man for treating me this way.

My relationship with Coach had begun when my aunt put the word in for me to get the job when I was 14 years old. She had worked with him at the local high school and her son had worked for Coach several years earlier. He had a reputation for paying his employees well and it was rare to find an employer at the lake who paid above minimum wage. There were even bonuses at the end of the summer. Word had gotten around. Coach didn't have to advertise for help.

All of that ended twenty years ago when I did disguised my voice over the phone. However, through the years, almost every summer, I'd end up back at the lake. I'd pass the huge glass windows I'd spent hours of my life cleaning and I'd feel the bile of my resentment was still fresh. A few times, just for the nostalgia, I entered the business. And deep down, yes, the fear was still there. The fear of this little man.

And now, twenty years later, here was Coach. Coach and me. Me with my flowers and Coach with his black Old Man Shoes. I studied him, and indeed, the ensuing years had turned him into an old man. He walked steadily but deliberately with a hint of the shuffle to come. As I looked at him, I couldn't help but think that the 'ole pit bull had lost his teeth.

As I gathered up my items around the store, I thought back to my years around this man. Oddly enough, I found that my feelings of disdain for him were overshadowed by feelings of respect. Yes, he was a little old man now. But he still had the vitality to get himself to a busy store on a snowy afternoon. And didn't that fedora gave him an air of distinction?

Looking beyond the perception of a teenager who ached for approval, the truth was that Coach had created a highly successful business with a loyal customer base. He had transcended his career as a gym teacher. He'd employed dozens of young men and paid them a fair wage. He leveraged his business success and bought local real estate that skyrocketed in value over the years. When I was under his employ, I'd been to his house (on occasion, he'd pull me away from the business to clean his pool — such a treat!) and I saw his three Cadillacs and the impressive home he had created for himself and his family. He had the chutzpah to take some big risks and they paid off handsomely for him.

Personally, I do not consider Coach to be a role model. And while I cannot say that I admire the man, I must admit that I respect him for what he created. He's done more that most people will with their lives and when he leaves this world, he will leave a mark.

I am still a relatively young man and I know my best days are in front of me. At the same time, I grow more aware of how quickly the years and the decades pass. One day, before I know it, I will probably be wearing Old Man Shoes that completely eschew style for comfort.

And as I look back on my life, what will my legacy be? What will I have created? Will I reflect back on how I spent my days and feel a deep sense of satisfaction and pride?

Most important, will I have shared my true greatness with the world?

Seeing Coach reminded me the importance of asking myself these questions. And to my way of thinking, these are very important questions. For if you are not aware of your true greatness and continually and consciously moving further into that greatness, well, what are you doing with your time here?

As I thought about it, perhaps Coach's nickname was not so ironic after all.

CONSCIOUS CONVERSATIONS with Drew and Jenn is ready to roll!

Begins on the 24th of January.

This will be a place for like-minded folk (conscious creators of very cool lives) to sit around the virtual fire, share a drink, and connect. More details on the linked page, but if you're of the sort who like to learn, share, and laugh, I hope you'll join us.

At the price ($40/mo.), I tried to make this a no-brainer for anyone with the desire….

Just look at what having Conscious Conversations did for this fellow….

                                  "BEFORE"                                                                                      "AFTER"

Details and registration link are here.
 

I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski… by several authors

Okay, The Big Lebowski is my favorite movie. I won't try to explain the appeal (it would be like trying to tell you why baseball is entertaining). In order to fully appreciate this masterpiece, you'll need to watch it a minimum of three times.  Anyhow, my Secret Santa, my sister-in-law Kristen bought me this book (along with a swell hat) and thus remains in my good graces.   B+ for a fan

Empire Falls by Richard Russo

Picked this up at the library after seeing Nobody's Fool again (see below). Loved the movie so much that I figured I should read something this guy wrote. Absolutey love this book. Simply put, Russo is a brilliant writer. His characters pop off the page and many of his sentences make me stop reading just to admire his prose. Fiction this good has just as much power to teach you something as any nonfiction. A

Nobody's Fool - I loved this movie when it first came out. I am a big fan of Paul Newman — both as an actor and a man. The setting of the story and the characters very much remind me of the small town where I grew up. A

Arenal Volcano in Costa Rica. This is the view from our balcony. The volcano has its own weahter system — the clouds dance around it constantly. I could have sat and watched it all day…

 WELCOME!

December 2007

Ah, December…

As I type, the snow is falling outside my window. A harsh contrast from riding the seventy-five degree Pacific Ocean waves on a private beach in Costa Rica. Karin and I returned from our honeymoon earlier in the week. (You can read more about it and see some pictures in the post that follows this one). A bit strange to come back to snow and Christmas, but we're adjusting and of course, no matter how great the vacation, it's always nice to be home.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to offer your thoughts on my book title last month. There were some really great entries and a couple of the responses provoked me in a positive way. As a result, I came up with a new title and angle for the book. So, thank you! I will share more when a publisher says yes.

I hope you like the new format of the newsletter. I did my best to maintain the look and feel. Having it online makes it easier to distribute, allows you to comment (please do below!), expands possibilities (audio, video, etc.) and hopefully gets you in the habit of checking this blog!

Between marriage, launching the Very Cool Life Network last month, and my honeymoon, there's been some big life events taking place lately. I am even in the process of revamping my Evolution Coaching site after a decade of serving me well. I think I'll let the New Year roll around, then it's time to get crankin' again.

What's coming up?

Many people who were unable to be a part of the VCLN group expressed a desire to be part of a community/discussion regarding the dynamics of living a very cool life. I love sharing what I know in this regard and will create such a group in January. We will meet over the phone, be very affordable, easy to join/leave, and open to all. Look for an announcement after the holidays. Perhaps I will see you there!

A quick note about coaching. I have two openings for January if this is the time for you to consciously upgrade your life. In my opinion, it's always a good idea, but the timing has to be right for you to really benefit. If you're feeling the pull of your desire to expand, contact me and let's see if we can create something great together. If you check my new (and expanding) services page, you'll get a sense of some of the options. Be conscious. Evolve. Upgrade. Improve.

I hope you enjoy this month's feature on negotiating with yourself.

Okay, that's enough for now… Time to put away the swimsuit and pull out the skis!

Wishing you and your family a fun and peaceful holiday…

 P.S. I enjoy hearing your thoughts. Please share your comments below!

NO DEAL

The lactic acid in my hamstring burns through my body, up to my brain. Inside my head, my thoughts speak.

“ENOUGH! THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE. RELEASE FROM THIS STRETCH.”

At this moment, the trainer reminds me to clear my thoughts. Breathe, he says. Breathe deeper. Empty your mind. Hold the position.

I am in need of his coaching because the discomfort in my body is causing my attention to wander from my leg to my brain. I notice that inside my head, there’s a conversation taking place.

“Wow, this stretch is really uncomfortable.”

“Man, you got that right.”

“I’m just not as flexible as these folks on the screen.”

“Yeah, you’ve never been too flexible.”

The discomfort swells even further. The trainer says to hold the position for 10 more seconds.

“Hey, I’ve done pretty well here. At least I’m working out early in the morning. Most people are still in bed.”

“You are so right.”

And I release the stretch eight seconds before the trainer does.

“Better than not stretching at all,” my inner voice adds.

As I continue through my workout, the same conversation plays out and I usually fall short of my goal to keep up with the trainer.

A few days later, I was doing some movements with my Tai Chi instructor Rich. Rich was coaching me on getting deeper into my postures. Yes, this is where the discomfort lies, Rich said, but he added that with no discomfort, there was no benefit.

Rich continued speaking to me, sharing the lesson his master had shared with him.

“Stop negotiating with yourself,” he said. “When you negotiate with your thoughts, you begin to compromise.”

The meaning of his words took root as I was holding that stretch. Indeed, there was a conversation going on in my head. Back and forth. In fact, it was a negotiation between what I really wanted (to do the workout completely) and what I thought I could have (to do a good job “for me”). The more I paid attention, the more I saw the same pattern: As soon as the discomfort hit I went right to my head and the talks began.

The result of those negotiations was always the same: I settled for less than I really desired.

The fact is that when you engage in this sort of negotiation, you have invited your ego to sit at the head of the table. And when given attention, your ego is a powerful seducer. Keep in mind, your ego is not the real you; it is a collection of your beliefs and conditioning. Your ego represents who you have been. Your ego is not who you are or who you can be. Those definitions are determined in the now.

Far and away, the biggest challenge we have in creating the coolest version of our lives is allowing our desires to come into our experience. That seems odd, and it is. But indeed, it’s your old patterns of thinking that cut your deepest desires off at the knees. Those old patterns are your ego.

The stickiest thing about your ego is that unless you are actively looking to notice its influence on your life, it will remain and operate at an unconscious level. And you will continue to create in your life by default. You cannot change what you experience and create until you actively choose to become more aware in your life. Of course, much like working out to create a more flexible body, this will require your effort and attention. However, in my experience, the benefits far outweigh any perceived costs (and with time, the benefits are so great, the very notion of “costs” disappears.)

Shine the light of awareness on the places your ego has been blindly leading you. A good place to start is to begin to notice where you negotiate with yourself. Notice the conversations that take place in your head shortly after feeling the spark of desire arise within you.

“Oh, but I couldn’t afford that.”

“She’d never be interested in me.”

“Someday I’ll take that risk.”

I still find those hamstring stretches difficult. I do not always hold the pose for as long as the trainer. But by noticing the voices that play in the old tapes, I am able to shift my attention away from those thoughts and onto my desire. My results are much better.

In creating your life, remember the old saying, “You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.”

Perhaps another way to put it is that you deserve to stop negotiating with yourself.

Marley and Me by John Grogan

When you're at the airport in Costa Rica and you're not in the mood for a Stephen King book, Marley and Me stands out. Especially if you love dogs and there's an oohh-so-cute blonde lab puppy on the cover. This book sold over 3 million copies and it made for decent enough reading on the plane. However, I'm not sure any of it will stay with me beyond a week and I could not shake the feeling I had read a better version of this story many times over. C

Ballad of the Whiskey Robber by Julian Rubenstein

This one jumped up at me in the Vermont bookstore. It sat around for a few months before I threw it into my bag for vacation. The subtitle is: A true story of bank heists, ice hockey, Transylvanian pelt smuggling, moonlighting detectives, and broken hearts. That hooked me and the book lived up to the billing. A-

The Last King of Scotland - Solid performance by Forrest Whittaker and good story. Heavy on the violence though. B

Like coffee? Try this… Make your coffee. Add a teaspoon of pure cocoa — the good stuff, not Hersheys. Add a teaspoon of Grade B maple syrup. It may sound funky, but it is both delicious and good for you. Honest. Regular coffee will not cut it anymore!